A Simple Cure: Melanoma, Our Worst Nightmare

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We have a 3 and half year old and an 18 month old.

Please keep me informed.

I just found out I was pregnant again. We are trying to decide what to do and I need some advice. Derek has said he is not sure he can physically handle another baby and that emotional it is so difficult to look at the two we have now and know there is a very good chance he may not see them grow up let alone to rbing another into the world he may not know and of course we are both concerned, him more than me about how 1 parent can bring up 3 children.

Financially we are good, our parents live in town but are in thier 60s already.

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I know this is our decision but I am having such difficulty and needed to hear what other patients and caregivers might have to say. Having cancer doesn't insure an early demise nor does being healthy predict a long life.


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Are you parents willing and able to step in and help? Can they do it a lot? How is Derek feeling physically right now? His feelings are important, but how do you feel? This is a tough one Terra - good luck and keep us posted. This is just my opinion. There are really no safe choices in this world. There is dangerous action and dangerous inaction.

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This is one of those times when no amount of analysis will give you a satisfactory answer. I think - in all honesty - you should go with whatever you feel in your heart is best for you, but realize you will have doubts and uncertainties whatever choice you make. It's just unavoidable. It's kind of like choosing a treatment that turns out not to help; you can second guess it forever but when you made the decision, you weren't trying to screw things up - you were trying to make an impossible decision without the necessary information to do it flawlessly. That's the nature of treating advanced cancer.

And with a choice like you are facing, it's the same thing. Thank-you for your replys - I feel after reading them I can breathe a little easier - grandparents are around, very close, but are aging. We are in an ok financial position, our house is paid for and I am a teacher, so I have options for days off, etc. Derek feels physically inable to run after another child and emotionally distraught that he won't live a long life in order to see them grow up.

With all the odds against you for getting pregnant there must be a reason that you did. I wouldn't discount that at all. This baby was placed in your lives for a reason. No one knows what the future will bring for anyone. Besides could you live with yourself if you decided not to have the baby? It may seem like the right thing for you to do now but in the long run it could be a nightmare you may never be able to forget.

Good luck to you and may Derek feel better and better every day. What a big decision to make, one that only you and your husband can ultimately make. I completely understand why you have to take the cancer thing into consideration. When I was diagnosed over 5 years ago, I was hesitant to commit to anything long term.

And sometimes struggled greatly committing to short term things.

Your husband having stage IV cancer certainly gives you every right to have many concerns. Someone else said you must be pregnant for a reason. I agree with that, but certainly don't fault you for any decision you make.

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I myself had an early diagnosis and my Dr. Problem is, I can't. I'm 39 and have fertility issues. So now that I'm over the hump of having cancer, I still can't get pregnant. We have been looking into adoption. Contrary to what many people think, there are not an abundance of children to adopt. I do think things happen for a reason and maybe I don't have kids of my own because God intended for me to help raise my sister's 3 kids because she was not able to. So from my standpoint, I would do anything to have a child and cancer is not going to stop me.

Paying for it is our biggest challenge right now. But I understand your husband is stage IV and that does change your life and your decisions. I see both sides and could argue both all day. Cancer, unfortunately, does have to play a role in some decisions.

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On the other hand, God has allowed you to become pregnant for one reason or another. I'll be sending prayers and good vibes that you find peace with your decision. If you decide to have the baby, you and your families will make it work.

People find a way to be resilient in the worst of situations. And a child would be another joy in your life. If you decide to give it up for adoption, I speak from experience that an adopted child could be loved just like a biological. I sometimes can't imagine loving any child more than my sister's kids. They're like my own. And if you choose to terminate not sure if that's a consideration for you , then I pray you feel good about your decision. There is no right or wrong decision and none of us can make that decision for you. But we will be here to support your decision.

And I officially give you permission to say you hate cancer for doing this to you. We all do. Your reply really struck me and thought you gave wonderful advice and support.

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My heart really went out to you. After all you endured, you now struggle with fertility issues. I am so sorry. It has taken so much already, I constantly feel like "isn't the fact that we had to deal with it enough"??? It's hard to make peace with this beast, but I hope you can. It will give me hope that I can moving forward. Right now, I am angry that I got this. I guess we all are. Everyone keeps telling me that I am so lucky that it's not worse staging.

I am unable to feel lucky now. I was recently diagnosed 1b and am now faced with the "wait" to see if I have recurrence. I will soon "age out" of having another child.


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  8. Every dr says wait a minimum of 2 yrs before getting pregnant. He died two hours later. The system had intervened. One of the nurses, I later found out, even reported my unplugging of Jack to the authorities as a possible homicide. But the prospect of a police investigation is terrifying for any physician. I could far more easily have left Jack on life support against his stated wishes, prolonging his life, and his suffering, a few more weeks. They see the consequences of this constantly. Almost anyone can find a way to die in peace at home, and pain can be managed better than ever.

    Hospice care, which focuses on providing terminally ill patients with comfort and dignity rather than on futile cures, provides most people with much better final days.

    Amazingly, studies have found that people placed in hospice care often live longer than people with the same disease who are seeking active cures. Several years ago, my older cousin Torch born at home by the light of a flashlight — or torch had a seizure that turned out to be the result of lung cancer that had gone to his brain.

    I arranged for him to see various specialists, and we learned that with aggressive treatment of his condition, including three to five hospital visits a week for chemotherapy, he would live perhaps four months. Ultimately, Torch decided against any treatment and simply took pills for brain swelling. He moved in with me.